1st August 2021
My Very Large Car And I: just regular well-heeled guys
Who don’t really make that much of a thing about our engine size;
But since you’re bound to ask, we are in the top Power Class:
With five litres and twin turbos, we’re ridiculously fast!
My Very Large Car And I, we look so awfully grand:
So heavy, so long, so wide, so high, we pound across the land.
We really, absolutely, are true Masters Of The Road;
Thus we know we are entitled to a special Highway Code…
It says that you must never reverse to let another car pass;
And though you’ve all-wheel drive and huge tyres, DO NOT PULL ONTO THE GRASS:
Don’t expose your expensive paintwork to the risk of any scratches –
If anyone is going to back, let it be cheap family hatches.
My Very Large Car And I, we think it’s terribly strange
And that anyone should blame us for causing climate change!
Only do 40,000 miles a year, which surely isn’t all that much;
And as for sea level rising: we’ve no problem – we’re not Dutch!
The Americans dig their heels in about their rights to bearing arms;
Well, we can put up a fight, too: why shouldn’t we keep doing harm?
Those feeble greenies have some problem with more carbon in the air –
But big cars always get through floods, so we don’t bloody care!
On we roar around so proudly letting lesser folk see, near and far,
That we’re a high-achieving couple who like things just as they are.
My Very Large Car And I, fossil fuelled till we die:
To hell with Greta Thunberg – we’ll suck every oil well dry!
© Christopher Jessop 2021
